Leelah (Joshua) Alcorn society failed you, and I'm sorry

I’m so grateful to WCPO for amending their first story about a 17 yr old boy who accidentally walked in front of a tractor trailer on I-71: http://www.wcpo.com/web/wcpo/news/local-news/warren-county/joshua-alcorn-kings-mill-teen-killed-on-i-71-remembered-as-sweet-talented

To the truth: a 17 yr old transgendered girl committed suicide after walking 4 miles from her home because she wasn’t accepted by her parents: http://www.wcpo.com/news/local-news/warren-county/leelah-alcorn-suicide-note-sparks-transgender-discussion

Maybe now people will start talking about 2 of the most taboo topics in today’s society: sex and suicide.  For so long both have been swept under the rug- too shameful to discuss. 

This story should make you sad.  Religious, Atheist, gay, straight, lesbian, transsexual, transgender- NO child (no person) should ever feel this isolated and lonely.  I am disgusted by the fact that this child’s parents have decided to pretend their 17 yr old boy was killed in a car accident, instead of facing the harsh reality that they are at fault for the death of their daughter.

I wish she had found help.  I wish she had found happiness, and acceptance, and peace.  Nobody should ever feel their life is unbearable.  No parent should ever make their child feel so hopeless.  Am I pointing the finger? Damn straight.  Leelah wanted help.  Instead she was told to pray the gay away.  I hope this beautiful, talented, sweet child has found peace in whatever afterlife exists out there.  This story will stay with me for a long time.  I find myself feeling regretful that I couldn’t help her.

So talk… that’s what we do- talk about this story.  If you’re a parent, encourage your child to be him or herself.  Create a relationship of honesty and inclusion in your house.  Reach out to a friend who hasn’t acted like him or herself lately.  Smile at a stranger. Quit turning your back on people who aren’t like you.  <end rant>

Fear of the Unknown

Like most people, unfamiliar situations cause me anxiety.  I’m a worrier, and a what-if-er, but ultimately I am an optimist.  Next week is my last week in my current role at Kroger, and the following Monday I will move into my 3^rd role, in my 3^rd department in just under 3 years- with Kroger.  I’m hopeful that this is going to be THE job: The one that I actually wake up wanting to go to everyday.  I realize this is not likely, so I’ll settle for a job that I can tolerate.  Dear God- please let this be the job I can tolerate.  I’m starting to lose all hope- and I’ve got 20+ years until retirement.

A few things I do know:

1. I know I will not miss my current line of work.  It was NOT a fit for me.  But the fact that I’ve tried and tried again- and continued to find jobs that are “not a fit for me” is really discouraging. 

2. In my utopian world I’d be a stay at home housewife.  I ask Kyle if I can quit my job nearly every day, to which I am continually disappointed that the answer is always no. 

3. If I didn’t need a paycheck, I’d probably craft and party plan all day long.  I love being a host, I love creating little touches to make people feel special- it’s in my blood. 

At the very least, I’m looking forward to a change of scenery, learning something new, and having new reporting lines.  I’m optimistic that from October 13^th on, I’ll feel like a whole new woman.  If not- Please contact me to plan your next party, because clearly corporate America is not my thing.

It’s been a decade...

I’ve written and re-written this blog in my head many times over the past weeks, and it always comes out about the same… Mostly just rambling and reflecting.  It’s been 10 years since my big brother took his life, and I love him as much today as I did back then, but I’ve moved on.  My life has changed drastically because of the decisions he made.  I felt robbed of my innocence when he was gone.  I was only 19 and I was writing a eulogy and picking out a casket.  I was smacked in the face with the reality that life is not forever- so we must enjoy the time we have with our loved ones, and learn to let insignificant things go- and it is because of this realization that I became a more compassionate and carefree person. 

I don’t specifically remember most of the last 3,650ish days since Joey passed away, but September 25, 2004 will always be burned into my brain.  It was a beautiful Saturday.  The weather was much like it is today, actually.  I remember almost every minute of the 3 ½ hour car ride back to my parents’ house from my dorm at WKU.  I wanted it to last forever, because I knew that when I arrived home his death would feel more like a reality.  I think I looked out the window and cried or sat very silently for the majority of the drive.  I was trying to figure out how I was going to continue to exist without my big brother.  Joey and I weren’t always best friends, in fact we spent a good 15 years or so absolutely hating each other.  But in the last 4 years we had become really close, and I loved our bond.  We spoke on the phone nearly every day.  Who was I going to call now?  It was a very surreal and cruel feeling.  The next 3 days flew by.  I don’t think I slept at all- we made funeral arrangements and sat around the kitchen table in silence.  Occasionally we laughed, but it felt odd to laugh without him around.  Like we were cheating on him.  How could we laugh, when he was gone…

It wasn’t until after the funeral passed and it was time to return to reality that his death became very difficult for me.  I remember shopping and looking around and everyone and thinking how can they be so normal, when my brother is dead.  I knew loved ones cared- but eventually calls to check up on me stopped, everyone's lives moved forward- but it didn’t feel like mine was.  I decided to take the rest of the semester off and move back to my parents’ house- It was lonely there, but at least I was surrounded by people who understood.  After the holidays- which were so painful (thanksgiving was the 2 month anniversary, Christmas was the 3 month anniversary) my parents gently nudged me to either go back to school or get a job.  I decided to try my hand at being a flight attendant because I saw it as a way to connect with Joey.  He was a pilot, and it was his true passion in life- maybe if I were a flight attendant I could experience the same joy that he devoted his life to. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a great choice for me- I ended up feeling even more isolated and lonely than I was living in my parents basement.  After a few months I quit my job, and went back to Western.  I had missed too much though- everyone had progressed through their sophomore year, and I was starting over.  I spent 1 more year at western then decided to move home to NKY for good.  I finished out my degree at NKU and thankfully put college behind me.  It was a struggle.  I was resentful that I had this obstacle that consumed my thoughts- and nobody else seemed to have a care in the world.

I am forever grateful to all my friends and family members who picked me back up, or set me straight when I was feeling sorry for myself or lost my direction.  I’m not really sad anymore- I’d love to know who Joey would have become, but I’m not angry or resentful, or bitter.  He was only 22- at the time I thought he was so old and so wise, but in reality he was a kid.  The day I out lived him felt very weird.  He was my “big brother” but I was now older… Very odd.  If I could have one more day with him today I’d say thank you for teaching me one of life’s most difficult and important lessons.  I’d tell him all about the things he has missed- the 4 nieces and nephew he’s never met, my experiences in Boston, my wedding day… Id invite him over to our new house to spend time with Kyle and our dogs.  I’d go out to eat with him- because that kid loved food.  I’d take 1 last flight with him in one of the crappy little 2 seater Cessna’s he used to fly, and I’d give him the world’s biggest hug.  

I know Joey would be proud of me- of everyone in my family.  I'd like to think that we all live with a little more purpose because of him.  So my PSA for the day is: when you're angry with family and friends- realize that your time with them is limited.  You could have years, or only months and days left with them.  You'll live a happier and more purposeful life if you hold on to the happy, and not the hate.  

Kitchen Gadgets to Live By

One of the most fun parts of planning for a wedding is creating a registry!  Kyle and I spent 2 or 3 hours in Crate and Barrel on a freezing cold Saturday morning in February, and I was introduced to a whole new world of culinary gadgets that I’d never owned before.  Thank you to all of our wedding guests who gave us such generous wedding and shower gifts.  We seriously love you all and will never adequately express our gratitude for having you in our lives.

1. Nutri Bullet 15 pc. Blender.  Amaze.  This thing blends up a completely lump free smoothie in like 1 minute flat.  Clean up is easy, and I’m getting a ton more nutrients in my diet.  (Fun tip.  To make green smoothies I was throwing in a bit of spinach or kale.  I don’t use the bag quick enough, so it was getting mushy and gross- so I put the bag in the freezer and I just grab a little bit to toss into my smoothie.  The spinach keeps forever, and adds more of a chill to the smoothie.

2. Mandoline (I have the food network one, and love it).  How was I ever slicing things before this thing!  I can cut an onion paper thin in like 25 seconds with no tears.  Life Changing.  If you don’t have one, run out and get one IMMEDIATELY.

3. Cuisinart 4 in 1 griddler.  Love love love this thing.  You can switch the plates from the grill to a griddle (flat top).  I’ve only used the grill thus far, but I can make a super easy and fast quesadilla that cooks perfectly in under 5 minutes.  Total Yeary family favorite.  ("Recipe": throw 3-4 frozen chicken breast in a crock pot for a few hours with a jar of salsa for perfectly tender shredded chicken to add to your cheese quesadilla.  Easy, affordable, and yummy)

4. A cheese knife. You know a knife that is actually intended to cut cheese.  The cheese doesn’t stick to the side- it’s a miracle really. We were gifted a 3 pc. Farmhouse cast iron set from Crate & Barrel, I love the look and the feel, the knives don’t have blades and are very heavy.  (Ive read some reviews, and many customers complain that these rust, and the blade is too think to use on a hard cheese… They work for our purposes, but make sure they are a good fit for you before running out to the store)

Now...Is it Friday yet??  

Money Saving Tips Part II

Over the weekend I was thinking a lot about this blog, and what else I wanted to share.  I don’t know why I find writing a blog so cathartic, but I really do!  I’m not entirely sure how long I’ll continue to write, or what the subject matter of future blogs will be, but I did come up with a short list of some ideas for future posts- so I’ll start there and see where it gets me. 

While I was brainstorming ideas I instantly starting to think of more “money saving tricks” that I’ve employed over the past few years.  I’m an analyst by nature, I work in cost management- I’m constantly writing and revising my monthly budget.  I think I am so hard wired to look for a bargain that some of the things I do come as second nature.  So I figured I’d share one or 2 more of my 10+ tips today, so I can keep everyone coming back!

1. Maximize your credit card points.  When Kyle and I returned from our honeymoon we decided to visit Huntington Bank to set up our joint checking and savings accounts.  Instead of using a debit card, we immediately decided to open up a joint credit card so we could get some kind of rewards.  The bank manager informed us that Huntington gives you 1 point for each $1 spent, and then 3 points back in one particular segment- which we were able to select.  Instantly I knew I wanted to elect to receive that extra cash back on our grocery purchases.  Not only do we spend the most money at the grocery each month, BUT- wait for it…. We can buy gift cards at the grocery store to use at restaurants, movie theaters, home improvement shops, even amazon.  This seemed like a no brainer to me.  Now before swinging by Home Depot (which seems to be a bi-weekly activity) we stop by the Kroger store across the street to purchase a gift card first.  It is slightly inconvenient, but we are now receiving 3% cash back on all our purchases through our credit card and- wait for it…. DOUBLE FUEL POINTS! 

So to break the math down:  A $200 Home Depot gift card provides us with $6.00 cash back (which we put towards our credit card statement), and $0.40 off per gallon (or for my 12 gallon tank, approximately $4.80).  Now I know $10.80 isn’t a life changing amount of savings, but multiply this by nearly every purchase we make, and before you know it- we’re saving 100’s of dollars, just by buying gift cards at Kroger prior to shopping trips we were already planning to make.

2.  Open bank accounts when incentives are available.  Opening a new checking or savings account has no effect on your credit.  So when there is monetary incentive for opening up a new account, take advantage of it!  Currently 5/3^rd bank is offering $150 to you and donating $150 to Stand Up to Cancer if you open a new basic checking account.  The account is free to maintain on a monthly basis, and all you have to do to qualify for the incentive is make at least 1 direct deposit of $50, and pay 3 bills through their bill payment application (you also must be a new customer).  The “bills” can be anything- $1 to your parents, $1000 to your credit card, it doesn’t matter.  Once you’ve received the incentive you can close the account, and 12 months later you’re eligible to sign up for another incentive.  To date I’ve received over $500 for opening up new bank accounts- all of which have cost me absolutely nothing.

And there are my 2 money saving tips for the day.  Get out to the banks, and maximize those bonus/fuel points folks!

COZY

Amen, it FINALLY feels like a fall morning! My windows are open, my fireplace is on.  Kyle is upstairs sleeping and the girls are playing outside.  I have a big cup of hot coffee and I feel like my heart is happy.  Fall is hands down my favorite season.  The temperatures are cool, the trees are gorgeous, there are 2 awesome holidays, apples and pumpkin candles fill the air with fabulous scents, football games occupy my Sunday afternoons, and I can finally turn on this fireplace!

Speaking of the fireplace, I'm not entirely sure what it is about the mantel above it -but it makes me feel like our house is so cozy.  I love every single aspect about having a mantel in my home.  It is such a focal point of the room, and a display of some of my favorite things!  I can't wait to update the decor with pumpkins, a fall banner, some festive colors and some yummy candles!  Don't even get me started about how excited I am to hang our Christmas Stockings from it!

All good things must come to an end.  My coffee is almost gone, the girls are whining to come back inside, and someone has to go to the grocery (hint hint, its me).  At least I had 10 minutes of amazing "fall time" peace this morning.

Happy Sunday!

Curb Appeal

This one will be pretty short and sweet- and the first of many before/during/after posts about our new house.

Kyle and I went under contract to build our new house on December 17, 2013, closed on April 17^th, 2014 and have been working hard to make this house our home ever since.  In the last 5-ish months we have installed a fence for the girls, put hardware on all our cabinets, had Kyle’s pool table installed,  hung curtains, wine glass holders, & shelves, installed a new kitchen faucet, built countless pieces of Ikea furniture- seriously the list goes on and on.  We’ve undertaken quite a few projects, and we have finally COMPLETED one of them!  (the others seem to be neverending…)  Here are before and after pictures of my favorite home project so far!

Before

Total was about $200+ the cost of a few plants. Not too shabby for what I feel like is a pretty big transformation!  We painted the door black, added a little vinyl "Hello" sticker, some house numbers, and shutters (the sod was done by our builders and included in the cost of the house.)

After!

 

I absolutely love what the shutters have done for the house.  I feel like it’s a total face lift.  (Thank you to my super handy husband who spent the afternoon on our roof!)

Next on the list is finishing the laundry room remodel, tile backspash in the kitchen, our paver patio/fire pit in the backyard (we’re not doing this one ourselves, this has been contracted out and should be complete in a couple of weeks).  I’ll try to post more before/during/after pictures as we start crossing things off the list!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend

xo